forgottenfandomcom-20200214-history
101 Ways to Annoy the Antichrist
101 Ways to Annoy the Antichrist and his staff is a humorous handbook that Yuri Danilova finds during the events of Forgotten: The Mark written by David Hassid and Mac McCullum. It's hilarious, according to Buck Steel and "can cause even the most petulant man to laugh." Summary The handbook basically chronicles 101 ways to annoy His Excellency Nikolai Danilova, AKA the Antichrist, as well as his staff (some of them only work if you hack into the GT Palace's security\entertainment computer systems). One interesting thing to note is that some of these pranks were actually executed by the characters in the book (but they stopped targeting Avril Lavigne once she defected). They are as follows: #Sing Temporary Fix by Veronica Ballestrini incessantly when His Excellency is around. #When writing a check to the bank, write, "for a sensual message to the Potentate." #Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to a security camera and then torture the Antichrist with hurtful blasphemies using electronic voice reproduction. #Speak with a "robot" voice. #Leave the copy machine to reduce 200% extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies whenever the Antichrist plans an attack on Christians. #Invent nonsense computer jargons in while E-mailing the Potentate and see if he plays along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. #Highlight irrelevant information in battle plans against the Christians and "cc" them to the Antichrist. #Spray everything the Antichrist touches with Lysol. #Wear a special hip holster so you can attack the Antichrist's cabinet with pepper spray whenever you're in a meeting. #Adjust the tint on security cameras in the Global Tyranny palace so people appear green and call His Excellency "the big green Antichrist." #Holler random numbers when the Antichrist is counting his fighting men. #Honk and wave at him when you pass the Antichrist in your car (he's sensitive to loud noises). #Change the channel five minutes before the end of the Antichrist's favorite TV shows. #Tape pieces of "Smiling to Swindles" to all the Antichrist's favorite movie boxes. #Make the Antichrist wear his pants backwards. #Repeat the following conversation a thousand times when talking with staff members: "Huh?! What's that?! Never mind; it's gone now." #Light road flares in the Antichrist's soda bottle. #Leave tips for the Antichrist in dollar bills instead of Nicks. #Write "random buried treasure" on the Antichrist's map of the world during Operation Armageddon. #When Christmas carolling, sing, "Jingle bells! Nikolai smells! Avril laid an egg!" #Construct elaborate "crop circles" in the Antichrist's office. #Make the Antichrist listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed and claim "fast music's good for your health." #Ask 1-800 operators for dates. #Drum on every available surface (make sure it's LOUD!!) #Shoot a Colt .45 pistol for no reason and make it look like an accident. #Leave your turn signal for fifty-five miles until the Antichrist crashes his car\truck. #Sew anti-mark strips into the Antichrist's staff's clothes. #Make beeping noises when the Antichrist is about to hit you in a fight. #Dress as a female clergy member. #Holler, "Chutes away," when with the Antichrist in a descending elevator. #Leave a box between elevator doors. #Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly. #Wear a Santa suit in Summer when visiting the Antichrist and shout, "Ho! Ho! Ho!" #Incessantly burp in Makarov's face. #Put police tape on Makarov's office's walls. #Lean over to Olivia Coppedge and scream, "Burp patrol at twelve o'clock!" #Make explosion noises when Avril Lavigne presses a button in the elevator. #Lick gummy bears and stick them to the elevator buttons. #Hum the theme of Jeopardy in the Antichrist's ear. #Sing the Barney song as loud as you can around Olivia Coppedge. #Throw jellyfish at General Ahmed Barak. #Laugh at the Antichrist while he's blaspheming God for no reason. #Sing a hymn into a megaphone while everyone else sings the Global Tyranny anthem. #When at a restaurant, ask the waitress to reserve a seat for your "imaginary friend". Then watch the waitress complain to the Antichrist. #Invite random Danilovian loyalists to the Antichrist's parties. #Dress in Hunter's Orange when visiting Nikolai Danilova. #Drive half a block and crash through Nikolai's best stone wall. #Have Mike Tobben throw bannana peels at Olivia Coppedge. #Thrust a porcupine into Vladimir Makarov's butt. #Put skunks in the palace's men's bathroom. #Inform Vladimir Makarov that he'll die in five days and then spray him with a garden hose. #Say, "Bad lord and risen god! No doughnuts," to His Excellency Then spray him with a garden hose, #Sign the Antichrist up on a junk mail list. #Give Nikolai Danilova a grundy horse and have it kick his butt. #Mouth a hymn and then shout out, "JESUS IS LORD!" while everyone sings "Hail the Potentate!" #Give Nikolai Danilova a wet willy. #Step on Captain Datillo's foot and push him backwards. #At a bar, exclaim, "LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR!!!" #Hide a scorpion into Nikolai Danilova's underwear. #Have Soap MacTavish scream, "NIKOLAI IS THE ANTICHRIST!" into a hacked loudspeaker. #Have Captain Price scream, "YOU ARE THE WORST POTENTATE IN HISTORY!" into a hacked loudspeaker. #Spray Vladimir Makarov with a spraycan. #Give Vladimir Makarov the Bob Barker Treatment. #Give the Antichrist a wedgie. #Put a smoke bomb in the girl's bathroom. #Poke Vladimir Makarov with a spear. #Blow the Antichrist's hair with a hairdryer. #Fill Global Tyranny One, the Potentate's Boeing 747-8 with a smoke bomb. #Tie Avril Lavigne up and throw a frag grenade at the Antichrist. #Handcuff Avril Lavigne into a chair and put a piece of gray duct tape on her mouth with the words, "I love the Potentate" on it. #Replace Makarov's Desert Eagle with one who fires blanks. #Brainwash Captain Jack Datillo into believing into Christianity. #Throw a flash grenade at Avril Lavigne. #Imprison Avril Lavigne in a torture chamber. #Give fake announcements on the loudspeakers. #Reenact the Pearl Harbor attack on December 7, 1941 with bombs and missiles that explode into confetti. #Scream, "Palace is under attack," in the intercom and then use a M.O.A.B (Mother of All Bombs) on the palace. #Put a skunk in Avril Lavigne's office. #Hide rotten onions in the Antichrist's underwear. #Always announce that Jesus is Lord every five minutes on the loudspeakers. #Imprison Avril Lavigne her own office. #Imprison Makarov's girlfriend in the slums near the palace and then scream random nonsense about Nikolai's resurrection in a fake SOS. #Use a voice amplifier while singing "Baby" by Justin Beiber. #Crash one of Nikolai's meetings with rock music (make sure it's SO LOUD, everyone's eardrums explode). #Shoot Makarov with a blowgun. #Shoot Avril Lavigne with a blowgun. #Tranquilize General Ahmed Barak. #Tranquilize the Antichrist. #Tranquilize Morgan Baker. #Feed Avril Lavigne to the sharks and dare the Potentate to rescue her. #Poke the Antichrist with pungi sticks. #Use the song "Grisly Reminder" by Midnight Syndicate to scare Morgan Baker. #Use the song "Monster" by Skillet to annoy Avril Lavigne. #Pester the Antichrist with Taylor Swift songs. #Tie Vladimir's girlfriend to a tree and say that Makarov's girlfriend dumped her and is now His Excellency's wife five times throughout the day. #Use fake vomit and make it look like Avril Lavigne vomited in the bathroom. #Throw 5-pound weights at Morgan Baker. #Throw dead fish at Vladimir Makarov. #Have Emma Wideman drill a hole through the Antichrist's pants. #Have Jordan "Nadroj" Portner drill a hole in Josh Gulledge's pants and underwear. #Have Mac McCullum stage a mock kidnapping of Vladimir Makarov's girlfriend, duct tape her mouth shut, put her in a helicopter, and take her away before anyone can make her take the Mark of the Beast.